This is the first time somebody told me that I should pray over the spirit of carelessness to leave me.
There’s a lot of things I can forget: umbrella (my parents urge me to bring large and bulky ones..na hindi ko na dala pag-uwi), handkerchief (parang disposable yung hanky sakin), keys (house keys! Oh no!), jacket (my favorite jacket T.T), phone (uhm, no comment!), money (sukli sa 500.. namimigay lang ng pera?!)–basically anything that I can just grab with my hand.
Well, I know its my fault and I take full responsibility over it. If it’s gone, it’s gone. I refuse to succumb in depression but rather think that things can always be replaced.
What makes it so difficult is when I forget things that have an impact to other people: stuff that my parents ask me to do; favor asked by my friends; documents I need to print; etc. Just recently, I lost 2 umbrellas of my mother and broken another 1. It creates an impression that I don’t care about her nor how would she feel just because I did not took care of her belongings. I certainly care about her! Unfortunately, my actions tell otherwise.
When I share about how I used to leave things behind and forget a lot of stuff, I make fun out of it and somehow accept the reality as it is. I’m not proud of it but can’t deny the fact that it happen most often. People usually laugh with me and tell their own stories. Then they tease me all the more. Ironically, though I crack jokes about it, I get offended at times when my friends tease me how careless I was. Deep inside, I don’t like that part of myself. But it feels like I have no choice nor have control over this mind as it seems to forget things on its own.
Apparently, this time is different. My friend didn’t laugh with me but rather told that something is not right, specially because I am losing things with value. It may happen once in a while but should not be too often. Suddenly, there was a paradigm shift. I was then able to see from another perspective. It makes sense: this spirit does not belong to my body. It has been here for so long. I could have been feeding it all this time by cracking jokes and being passive in taking steps to reverse the situation. But there’s hope. I could lift this up to God and ask Him to help me. Then I could choose to take responsibility and make conscious effort to remember.
As long as I feel victimized by my own mind, as if I couldn’t do anything because it seems to be the way I am, I will never assume responsibility. It’s time to take action and be intentional about it.