♫ I did my best..
But I guess my best ♪
Wasn’t good enough.. ♬ ♩
Irony of ironies: few days after I posted Paradigm Shift, I lost valuable things, again.. for the nth time.
I couldn’t believe it at first. I’m pretty sure I just left it somewhere and I will be able to get it soon.
But I didn’t.
It took me three days to finally let go and accept the reality. I was really hoping that it is just a kind of practical joke: somebody will return the things to me the next day then we will all laugh together at my negligence.
But nobody returned anything.
It is official: I. Lost. It.
IT. IS. GONE.
Was I devastated? Who wouldn’t be?
Disappointed at myself? Definitely!
Frustrated of what happened? Absolutely!
But despite of being devastated, disappointed and frustrated, I felt peace. Yes, as in: P-E-A-C-E.
Is it because I was used to losing things every now and then? Nope!
I’m at peace because I just lost a thing; it can be replaced. At least I was not harmed. My father said it this way: “Ok lang yun anak. Ang mabuti walang nangyaring masama sayo.”
(Everybody now: “Aaaaaahhhh…”)
What bothers me is the fact that it is forming a pattern.
Exactly one year ago, I had the same experience. It happened in the middle of my misery. I was negligent and I assume full responsibility over it. But now, though I still assume responsibility for what happened.. I am not in total misery anymore. I am, in fact, so happy with my life.
So can I just conclude that negligence is a part of my system?
No! I don’t like it to be a part of me!
I was asking God why this has to happen.. What is His purpose? What lessons am I missing out? How can I take negligence off my system?
To be honest, I still don’t know why; nor do I know how.
I just rest on the truth that God knows hudas not pay, err, I mean, who took it.. And I don’t have to worry for He knows all things. His thoughts and ways are far higher than mine. I may not understand. I may not know why. But I think I don’t need to know. I just need to trust God that He has a purpose for everything. When it seems like my best wasn’t good enough, I choose to rely on God for His strength and grace.
What I don’t want to happen is to miss out on lessons He wants me to learn. With that I pray that He give me attentive ears to hear and heart to obey.