I am a bum for two months already.
For a busy body like me, two months is like a year. I miss the office; the smell of the brewed coffee every morning; the heavy flow of traffic (masochistic); the sweat and grumbling passengers in the train; the morning and evening rush;
I miss working on a report and composing a short and simple email; the excel shortcuts and hands-free typing; the macros and pivot; the unsolicited messages from colleagues asking for help; the complicated problems you get to solve; and the revenue target that you and team gets to hit.
I miss the team and our inside jokes; the bullying that you get to enjoy like they’re compliments; and the ear-length gossip that you pretend not to hear because you are wearing a headset-muted.
I miss our night run; kilometer-walk; food tripping and all the gala I get to enjoy with my officemates-turned-besties.
I miss all and everything in between.
So yeah, job hunting is pretty exhausting–not just physically but financially as well.
You have bills that needs to be paid and they’re not a bum like you. They don’t care if you are jobless. Yes, you can neglect them but you will be charged with penalties and interest–until your dues become bigger than a mountain you cannot reach.
It left me with sleepless nights and worrying attitude. Emotional exhaustion.
I questioned why am I here in the first place? Why am I so eager to come here and fulfill my so-called “plans?” Why have I left my career in a corporate world and in a place where I know I have a shot to climb the corporate ladder?
I want this. I planned for this. I freakin’ signed up.
Even if it was awkward. Even if it is way out of my comfort zone. Even if it meant heartache and sorrow. Even if the future is unknown. Even if it is a punch in the air.
Then you’ll come back to the One whom you neglected. Whom you haven’t even consulted if He wants you here. Whom you set aside for the longest time. Whom you haven’t returned His purest love back.
You’ll pray. You’ll ask for His guidance. You’ll beg Him for a job. You’ll be sorry. You know you have been a jerk. And you have a cheating heart.
Yet with all these things–He will welcome you with open arms.
Oh, what a heart break. 💔