In Between “I’m Okay” And “I’m Not”

“Would you like a company or would you like some time alone?” ~ Fin to Gabe

A Cornish Stranger by Liz Fenwick

That’s the question of Fin to Gabe when shen was about to read the letter of her grandmother, Jaunty. The letter, which was written on Jaunty’s final days, would reveal the truth about their family’s true identity.

That question strongly resonated to me. I somehow wanted someone to ask if I needed company or some time alone. Because, honestly, I need a little of both. Somewhere in between.

I want a time alone so I could process all these thoughts and somehow see a light at the end of the tunnel and finally call it home. Right now, I have all the time needed to be alone but I fail to intentionally create time for myself. 

But I also want a company at reach when I am lost in my train of thoughts. Someone I can connect instantly without having the need to explain myself. Someone who could understand deeply beyond my smile, joke, tears and positive outlook. Some shoulder to cry on without pointing out what I did wrong nor tell me plainly what to do. Some ears that would listen intently, sincerely. I know that would be someone perfect. And I know you would suggest where to look at, but I somehow lost my way and I cannot move an inch right now.

I’m stuck in the middle of “I’m okay” and “I’m not.”

Isn’t this absurd to hear from someone who just came from the Best Ten Days of their life?

Ironic.