If You Think The Church Is Perfect, Think Again. 

My underlying belief is this:

Most (if not all) in the church and specially those I get to work within the ministry won’t ever hurt me (or at least not intentionally). They can all be trusted. They won’t stab me in the back. They won’t believe what other people say against their fellow believer unless verified.

But as I stay longer in the church, I see how idealistic my beliefs are.

For I see how carelessly we slander others. I see how we easily spread unverified information—passed along as prayer requests. To top it all, we refuse to confront each other and mend the relationship.

I see how we refuse to uphold unity whenever we avoid reconciliation. We refuse to look at the other side of the coin and understand where that person is coming from. We refuse to forgive.

I see how faulty we are. How crooked our beliefs until we allow God to mold us. I see how we are really in need of a Saviour. I see how we are like a sheep–dumb, stupid, no direction–and how a Shepherd would lay down His life just to save us from walking toward a cliff.

I see how important Lordship is. That it is really a matter of the heart. That believing in Him is different from following Him.


Let me share a personal story.

In a trip, I shared a room with a friend. We call ourselves “Buddies.”

One day, I borrowed her laptop to practice a dance in the dining area. After practicing, I went straight to the wash room to fix myself because we have an event in the evening. I completely forgot her laptop lying in the table. I wasn’t able to fix it up. And I wasn’t aware that she was pissed off by it.

The day before that, I borrowed the sharpener of her eyebrow pencil. When it’s her turn to use it, I can’t find it any longer.

Before the event started, I used the toys she donated and played with the youth. I forgot to place the toys back in its box after playing. I almost lost the box.

That’s when she confronted me.

And I didn’t like what I heard. I was really hurt. I am not really a fan of confrontation. Though I appreciate her honesty, I still take it as an offense.

From then on, I see all her actions as an attack. I felt like being stabbed in the back. I don’t appreciate her opinions anymore. For me, it all stinks.

How dare is she? I don’t fuss over her shortcomings and this is what I get? How can she make a big deal out of this? Can’t she just overlook things?

I can’t believe my thoughts.

I was hurt. I get that. But why can’t I just charge everything to experience and appreciate that she has been honest with what she felt?

I felt betrayed? Because she vented out and I didn’t? Isn’t it my choice to understand and overlook her shortcomings? So I expect her to keep everything to herself just because I did? I label my patience “selfless” and her honesty “selfish.”

I know something is wrong with my heart. I don’t want to face her the next morning still clinging to this offense. I don’t want to smile at her with a hurting heart. I don’t want to work with the team with unnecessary emotional baggage. She has been nothing but a trusted friend even before we started this trip. How can I believe that she is intentionally hurting me?

I cried to the Lord to help me. For on my own, I can’t. He showed me that I was nursing my pride and she hit it. My refusal to resolve our conflict means denial of a room for growth in our friendship. He reminded me of all the good things we’ve shared together–late night talk after group meetings and praying for each other before we call it a day. She’s one of the few people that I can really be honest with. He let me appreciate her rebuke because instead of venting out to our team behind my back, she confronted me. He let me see that this is an act of love and not a betrayal.

“Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.”

I never could have forgiven her if I didn’t allow God to process my emotion. I was honest with the Lord with how I feel and He patiently reminded me of how to respond in humility.

Yes, we were hurt. Yes, trust has been broken. Yes, that’s unfair. But it can all be mended and healed–if we allow God to.

I hope we all fix our eyes on Jesus and overlook the offense from others. I hope we won’t cling to our grudge and choose to forgive. I hope we agree to disagree at some differences in preferences. I hope we don’t argue over minor things.

The appeal of Paul to the Church of God in Corinth still stands:

“I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭1:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I now understand that the church is not perfect. Because we are human. We err. We make mistakes. We are selfish. We clash. We have various differences. That’s why the Lord commanded us to love one another. It is not a suggestion but a command.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35

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23 thoughts on “If You Think The Church Is Perfect, Think Again. 

  1. Correct. Nde madali tumanggap ng criticism. Fun fact (subjective, kaya cguro ‘fun opinion’ hehe): mas mataas ego ng lalaki, hindi lang pinapahalata hehe.

    At the end of the day ang dating na ng usapan: “tama ka nga,” “hindi, mas tama ka.” Parehas kaming may tama hehe

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gusto ko to..especially lahat naman tayo nasa process, at the more na nagkakasubukan kayo ng ugali, the more nakikilala ninyo ang isa’t-isa.

    Unang unang iniisip ko pag may nag re rebuke sa akin, “ano ba ang message?” Iniiwasan ko maging emosyonal para makita ko ung mensahe..sabi nga “don’t murder the messenger.” Pag valid naman napag uusapan..pag hindi naman valid, aba aba #beastmode 🙂

    Ako din bihira mag rebuke. Pakiramdam ko similar ng maniningil sa may utang sa akin..gustung gusto ko singilin nde kc kailangan ko ung pera, kundi para maturuan sya magbayad. At the back of my mind, iniisip ko baka ma offend. Hehe..

    Continue to embrace constructive criticism for healthier relationship. Subok ko yan, kay misis haha..

    Liked by 1 person

    • I guess the struggle is real between husband and wife. Pero ang sweet dun e you still stick together. 🙂 It is important nga to gain an objective view about the argument. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Mahirap nga to madam….minsan kasi mas masakit pag sinasabihan ka ng totoo at nakakainis…at mas nakakainis pag may mga flaws din sya o maling ginagawa sayo pero kinikimkim mo lang…parang unfair talaga diba? Pero God is good…..😊😊😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Amen Ji… thanks for this… nangyari to sa akin lately, masakit talaga… nagdasal nalang ako dahil nga ayoko ng confrontation… people who really care and open minded will not judge me based on her false accusations… 😦 pray for your friend instead… praying for you ji ❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Shine. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story also. I pray for peace and reconciliation for the sake of Christ. Am praying for you.

      Okay na okay kami ni “Buddy.” The friendship was strengthened because of what happened. After the confrontation, wala siyang kaalam-alam sa emotional outburst ko. I had to deal it first with the Lord. Sinabi ko sa kanya after the trip. Nagulat din siya. Haha What I love about what happened is hindi ‘to lumabas saming dalawa. Walang back stabbing or anything. That’s what I really appreciate about her.

      I hope all the best for you, Shine. Thanks for reading and dropping by. 🙂

      Like

  5. Thanks for sharing this relatable story!

    I have been learning to confront people in a nice way and as honestly as possible. I discovered that by doing this, I am able to process my emotions and not let them pile up until they burst out.

    It really hurts to be on the receiving end of confrontation. That’s true! It hits our ego, our pride. But when we learn to respond with humility, we’ll be on a better angle to look at things differently.

    Again, it is not easy because we are human and we are flawed, but witj God’s help it can be possible.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Jayson. Thanks for reading and commenting. Appreciate it.

      I agree, ang hirap talaga mag confront and ma-confront. Pero meron din siyang benefits if done with love and humble heart.

      See you around!

      Like

  6. So, you dance pala. Sample. 🙂

    Anyway, just to share din. Hindi ako fan ng confrontation. At hirap din ako mang-confront. I like this article Ji! Mas gusto ko yung ganitong article mo na may halong story. Hehe Kahit mahaba tinatapos ko. 🙂 Naalala ko yung story mo na about sa culture nung foreigner dyan nung nakisakay ka sa car. Hehe

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ang hirap kasing magkwento. Ang hirap maging vulnerable. Hahaha Pero sige, I’ll try to put stories supporting my insight. Salamat sa suggestion. I appreciate it.

      Hirap nga magconfront. At iconfront. Madalas I just keep it to myself unless kelangang kelangan.

      Liked by 1 person

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