Nung Feb 14 pa ‘to. Pebrero pa naman di ba? Hahahappy Puso! 😀
I was asked to review the name I use in Facebook because it might not be following the Community Standards. Seryoso?
I am not using my Full Name since 2012 for privacy purposes. I don’t think my name was offensive in any way. But then, someone reported my profile to Facebook.
I am chatting with a friend one moment and after a while, I was logged out from my account.
I couldn’t access my account until I responded to their message. I want to retain the name I use in Facebook.
So, we are to use the name we go by in everyday life. Do you know that? Or do you follow their Standard in using Names? But what if your real name is Maria but your friends call you Petra? How can you prove that you are widely known as Petra if all your valid ID shows that your name is Maria?
In my case, I shortened my full name and use it as my name in Facebook. I was then asked to provide proof that the name I use is valid. I attached a government ID showing my name and birth date. Unfortunately, the name in my ID doesn’t match my username. I showed in the picture how I got the name I use in Facebook. It can easily be seen and understood. I would be released from this hassle in no time.
Or so I thought. Just this evening, I was logged out from my account again with this message:
This time, I am starting to be pissed off. I sent the same ID and tried to explain how I come up to that name.
I don’t proofread my messages, okay? I just write from an annoyed heart. I thought after sending the valid IDs, I can log into my account again. But, no.
So, no Facebook for now until who-knows-when?
Isn’t it funny? I don’t really post anything on my account but yet I get annoyed that I was denied an access to it. Nine years of online activity; lots of photos and memories and most of the church related activities are tied to this account. Honestly, I don’t want to create another one. If this account can’t be recovered, I am considering to ditch this social media for life. (As if Facebook would crash if I do so. Haha!)
However, the thought of a “fresh start” sounds appealing.
To whoever reported my account,
If you have a problem with me, let’s talk about it. Why do you have to put me into this non-sense hassle? Lakas kasi makapeymus, Bes, eh.
Do you have the same experience? Have you ever been denied in accessing your Social Media Account?
Every morning while walking towards the bus station to wait for the shuttle service going to office, I call my parents to start my day.
Our conversation are usually filled with take care’s and i love you’s; humorous role playing and day dreaming like we are not 9-hours flight apart.
The call today filled my heart with laughter and tears.
Ji: Bebekoh! Pasok na ko.
Ma: Malayo ba yung sakayan sa bahay niyo?
Ji: Medyo po. Parang mula bahay hanggang lagpas ng paradahan ng tricycle. Mga 15 min. walk.
Ji: Na nakatakong.
Ma: Nyek. Magrubber shoes ka nalang. Para parang jogging na rin.
Ji: Ayoko. magdadala pako ng sapatos. Bulky sa bag.
Ma: Edi iwan mo sa office.
Ji: Ayaw ko po.
Ji: Saan kayo?
Ma: Andito pa sa bahay. Nagluluto pa si Papa. Kain muna kami bago umalis para tipid.
Ji: Ano po?
Ma: Chicken Longganisa at Swoatanghon.
Ji: Wow, sarap!
Ma: Magbaon ka. Antayin mo na. Mabilis lang ‘to.
Ji: Sige po.
*Mama sends a photo.
I just miss her.
I miss Papa.
I miss home.
That thing in Facebook that reminds you of what happened or what you posted five or seven years ago. Sometimes it will show you a picture of a person that you don’t wish to see anymore. Most of the time it will remind you of happy memories and triggers a feeling of wanting to see those people in an instant.
A lot have been posted on this day but this poem stands out:
Sa tuwing pagsikat ng araw at paglubog nito,
Sa tuwing pagbuhos ng ulan at pagihip ng hangin,
Sa tuwing papagaspas ang dahon ng puno,
Sa tuwing makakarinig ng huni ng ibon…
Aking naalala ang mapait na kahapon,
Di na sana nais pang magpatuloy hanggang sa ngayon.
Ngunit bakit sa bawat hakbang, bawat galaw,
Tila umuulit ang masalimuot na kahapong tanglaw.
I realized that I’ve been lingering in hatred and shame for the longest time. Imagine, this was year 2010! Ha!
But because of God’s grace and overflowing love, the shame of my youth doesn’t drag me now like it used to. I learned to cast it off to the one who loves me most.
This is what I declare when the bitterness of the past is popping up in my mind:
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.”
If He, the God of heaven and earth, will forget the shame of my youth, how dare am I to keep remembering them with disgrace?
Do you despise what you did during your youth? If so, how are you dealing it?
PS: Not my wrist.
My underlying belief is this:
Most (if not all) in the church and specially those I get to work within the ministry won’t ever hurt me (or at least not intentionally). They can all be trusted. They won’t stab me in the back. They won’t believe what other people say against their fellow believer unless verified.
But as I stay longer in the church, I see how idealistic my beliefs are.
For I see how carelessly we slander others. I see how we easily spread unverified information—passed along as prayer requests. To top it all, we refuse to confront each other and mend the relationship.
I see how we refuse to uphold unity whenever we avoid reconciliation. We refuse to look at the other side of the coin and understand where that person is coming from. We refuse to forgive.
I see how faulty we are. How crooked our beliefs until we allow God to mold us. I see how we are really in need of a Saviour. I see how we are like a sheep–dumb, stupid, no direction–and how a Shepherd would lay down His life just to save us from walking toward a cliff.
I see how important Lordship is. That it is really a matter of the heart. That believing in Him is different from following Him.
In a trip, I shared a room with a friend. We call ourselves “Buddies.”
One day, I borrowed her laptop to practice a dance in the dining area. After practicing, I went straight to the wash room to fix myself because we have an event in the evening. I completely forgot her laptop lying in the table. I wasn’t able to fix it up. And I wasn’t aware that she was pissed off by it.
The day before that, I borrowed the sharpener of her eyebrow pencil. When it’s her turn to use it, I can’t find it any longer.
Before the event started, I used the toys she donated and played with the youth. I forgot to place the toys back in its box after playing. I almost lost the box.
That’s when she confronted me.
And I didn’t like what I heard. I was really hurt. I am not really a fan of confrontation. Though I appreciate her honesty, I still take it as an offense.
From then on, I see all her actions as an attack. I felt like being stabbed in the back. I don’t appreciate her opinions anymore. For me, it all stinks.
How dare is she? I don’t fuss over her shortcomings and this is what I get? How can she make a big deal out of this? Can’t she just overlook things?
I can’t believe my thoughts.
I was hurt. I get that. But why can’t I just charge everything to experience and appreciate that she has been honest with what she felt?
I felt betrayed? Because she vented out and I didn’t? Isn’t it my choice to understand and overlook her shortcomings? So I expect her to keep everything to herself just because I did? I label my patience “selfless” and her honesty “selfish.”
I know something is wrong with my heart. I don’t want to face her the next morning still clinging to this offense. I don’t want to smile at her with a hurting heart. I don’t want to work with the team with unnecessary emotional baggage. She has been nothing but a trusted friend even before we started this trip. How can I believe that she is intentionally hurting me?
I cried to the Lord to help me. For on my own, I can’t. He showed me that I was nursing my pride and she hit it. My refusal to resolve our conflict means denial of a room for growth in our friendship. He reminded me of all the good things we’ve shared together–late night talk after group meetings and praying for each other before we call it a day. She’s one of the few people that I can really be honest with. He let me appreciate her rebuke because instead of venting out to our team behind my back, she confronted me. He let me see that this is an act of love and not a betrayal.
“Better is open rebukethan hidden love.”
I never could have forgiven her if I didn’t allow God to process my emotion. I was honest with the Lord with how I feel and He patiently reminded me of how to respond in humility.
Yes, we were hurt. Yes, trust has been broken. Yes, that’s unfair. But it can all be mended and healed–if we allow God to.
I hope we all fix our eyes on Jesus and overlook the offense from others. I hope we won’t cling to our grudge and choose to forgive. I hope we agree to disagree at some differences in preferences. I hope we don’t argue over minor things.
The appeal of Paul to the Church of God in Corinth still stands:
“I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.”
1 Corinthians 1:10 NIV
I now understand that the church is not perfect. Because we are human. We err. We make mistakes. We are selfish. We clash. We have various differences. That’s why the Lord commanded us to love one another. It is not a suggestion but a command.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Lately, I do.
And the writer of Romans helped me rebuild a better foundation of my trust in God.
The writer talks about faith, salvation, Jews, Gentiles, mercy and grace then he cap it off with this doxology:
“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!
“Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?”
“Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?”
For FROM Him and THROUGH Him and FOR Him are ALL things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen.”
Romans 11:33-36 NIV (emphasis mine)
ALL things are FROM Him.
ALL things are THROUGH Him.
ALL things are FOR Him.
He doesn’t owe me a single cent.
I am in no position to argue with Him. But I do most of the time.
We cannot limit God to our needs and wants alone. He is way more bigger than that. And because of that, we can trust that He can fulfill His promises and He will, but all for His glory.
How about you, do you also find it hard to trust God? Share me your thoughts!
Today is my first day in the office after a month of local leave. Well, after 40 days. I extended because I need to shift to another house.
I have been pleading with God back and forth if I can just quit and look for another job. But being in a foreign country doesn’t make it easy to just disappear and leave your current company. And also, leaving without proper process doesn’t align with my core values. It is a shame to even think that but I do, more than a thousand times.
As I was grumbling to the Lord, bugging Him to give me a go signal from His Word to leave, I read this passage:
“Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on.”
Exodus 14:13-15 NIV
The Israelites are being chased by chariot armies. Their lives are at stake. Their default reaction is to grumble to Moses. They really believe they’re going to die because behind them are the soldiers. In front of them is Red Sea. Moses told them to be still because he is sure that the Lord will help them. The Lord said, move on. Then the Israelites cannot believe what their eyes are seeing: the sea parted and they walked on dry ground.
And I was rebuked. I saw how rebellious my heart is. I have identified with the grumbling hearts of the Israelites. I realized how I like things to happen the way I want it. I reasoned with God and I know all my reasons are valid. But He reasoned with this: “Don’t you trust me?”
My lips says I do but my action shows I don’t.
I asked for strength to face things through and faith to believe what He has promised.
I guess I was never made for parties or anything that requires dresses and heels.
Last December, I wore a sneakers in a semi-formal event. I literally walked into an event where most, if not all, of the ladies were in their cocktail dresses, full make-up, and high heels.
Apparently, I am new in the community and still not going out of my shell. I didn’t bother to ask anyone nor get curious about the attire of the night. If not with my friend who is also new that time, I would have walked out.
At least we were able to pull out our performance and still enjoy the night. That’s what I told myself. Epic fail. 😀
Then last month, I sneaked in a little black dress paired with strapped stilettos during our graduation ceremony. But when we were about to start, the straps of the stilettos snapped. Another epic fail.
I don’t know what to do that time. Pinagpapawisan nako ng malamig. All I have is a pink slippers that I intend to wear after the event. I am ready to go back to our house and grab another shoes even if it meant missing half of the ceremony. Because there’s no way I’m gonna go in there with pink slippers.
But thank God, a beautiful soul let me borrow her shoes just in time. One of the event organizers traded her shoes with my pink slippers. She’s an angel!