“I am a Failure” | Clearing Limiting Beliefs

Beliefs = Thoughts = Emotions = Actions = Outcome

Beliefs are core personal truths. Unfortunately, a lot of our beliefs are acquired and our sub-conscious mind cannot determine if it is true or not. The problem arises when what you believe in as true is not entirely true or opposite of who you are. Then it becomes a Limiting Belief. (TFMT, Stage 0)

Have you heard of this before?

I heard about this 10 years ago when I subscribed to Bro. Bo Sanchez’ Truly Rich Club (TRC). Heck, I can still hear his voice and stories about it. But.. it didn’t made sense then.

What I learned today made those teachings sink in.

That I have tons of Limiting Beliefs that, well, limits myself from achieving success.

One of them is this:

“I don’t take an action to any courses I attended because I will fail on following up anyway.”

I am drafting a few of my limiting beliefs here for accountability and re-wiring my brain to think otherwise:

“I will be in charge of taking an and I will welcome failure because it will set me up for success later on.”

—

I am a procrastinator. I will delay taking an action as long as I can and get away by not doing anything. Heck, I jump from one courses to another but never implemented any of the learnings I get from them.

Come on, I even subscribed to TRC ten (10) years ago but I’m still chasing pavements–err–success up to now (chanelling my inner Adelle).

I am terrified to take an action because I might fail. Then I’ll be frustrated and disappointed at myself for not doing anything. I felt horrible. 

But here’s the back story:

When I was in college, I encountered a terror professor in Audit 101.

Everyone said that this professor is giving away 5.0 (Fail). Her words in class will always be peppered with harsh remarks like “bobo” (idiot), etc.

I don’t really remember hearing it from her but I remember hearing it from her past students and how they repeated the subject and never graduated on time because of her.

Then I remember feeling afraid of attending the class and getting mean comments from her. I remember having a hard time understanding Audit theories.

I ended up getting the dreaded 5.0 grade, getting summer classes and not graduating on time.

I ended up believing that I am up to no good because I failed her class.

I ended up taking board exam reviews but hated Audit and thought that I’ll fail because of this subject.

I tried the board exam once (after attending a couple of reviews) but I never finished the exam proper.

From then on, I don’t want to go back to school or take licensure exams of any sort.

However, I learned from Robert Kiyosaki that education is important.

So up to this day, I enrolled to several courses but never applied any of the lessons because I think I will fail.

—

F*cked up, right?

And that, my friend, is my limiting belief.

What’s yours?

xoxo

I Had 2021 Planned Out Until…

I thought I had this year planned out until I tested positive before year 2020 ends. Hello, 2021.

Sore throat. Just that. Unfortunately, the virus that causes it turned out to be the you-know-what: Covid-19.

I didn’t expect it, honestly. I thought it was just a simple sore throat. This virus has it’s own way of surprising me, I suppose.

The moment my housemate lost her sense of smell, she knew that the virus kicked in already. I didn’t share the same thoughts. And I was wrong. But I wasn’t alarmed. I wasn’t afraid. I was calm because it was not as scary as it was portrayed in the news. Plus the fact that my housemate is already panicking and stressed out, I didn’t want to add more fuel to the fire.

The hardest thing to do is informing the office and a few people I made close contact for the past week. As if getting the virus is not enough, you have to disclose it to other people, get all of them feel sorry for you and worry about themselves at the same time. The entire office was quarantined and tested along with a couple of friends I met a few days ago.

Fortunately, they all tested negative. Oh, the havoc it created!

Then there’s the stigma. People are afraid to come near you. Protocols and rules are set to the highest standard to contain the virus. Some people will come to you bearing sympathy and promises to be of help whatsoever. The truth is, they will most likely decline when you ask help on bringing or getting something for you. Can you take it against them? No. This fucking virus is highly contagious. You are in quarantine for a reason. You can’t go out and no one is allowed to get near you.

It wasn’t until I tested positive again after 10 days of quarantine that I begin to feel scared. My mind went nuts. As much as I feel tired and bored of the rat race, I find myself excited to get back to my work routine–except that I still can’t.

I realized that this virus has not only creeped into my respiratory system but it penetrated and crippled my emotional and mental state as well. It didn’t helped that I am in house isolation–my housemate went to the hospital when she started to have difficulty in breathing–I have no one to talk to. All of my interactions are online and they are not helpful for a person whose top love language is physical touch. At that morning when I read the message from DHA, I just want to be hugged tight. Yakap lang, gusto ko ng mahigpit na yakap. I can’t even get that.

I cried out of desperation and uncertainty. I am desperate to get this virus off my system and was upset that it is still clinging into me like an ex-lover. I have no strength to do anything whatsoever. My mind wanders nowhere. I read emails and continue to work on reconciliations. After 5, I indulge my mind into Netflix series and read comedy posts on social media to laugh it off. I kept thinking to write my thoughts away but that didn’t happen either.

Until this evening, when I read an email from HR that I would get a salary cut for two months, I find myself writing my thoughts down. I need to process this, or else, I will break down. I’m shaking, literally. This is the news that I am afraid of. With the uncertainty as to when am I going to be back in the office, I am quite expecting that it will have an impact. As to how, well, it was made clear today.

Although I am working from home, the company has to assume that I will not be as productive as when I am in the office. Thus, they have sent a cute little consent letter that gives the illusion of choice: whether to give consent on salary cut or not. As if it will not possibly cause your job if you don’t. There were no heads up, no discussions, no explanations. It is what it is. After all, they have a business to run.

Quite frankly, I think this salary cut thing is well and fair. Because from the company’s perspective, one shall get what has been delivered. But from the receiving end, it is demotivating. Just because one can work from home doesn’t mean he is not sick. The news of being positive is already messing with my sanity. Having salary cut is wrecking havoc in my already messed up mental state.

I hate this feeling: terrified, uncertain, helpless, lost, despair, afraid. I really have to get out of this. Give me a year or two, I will no longer be at anyone’s disposal but my own. And I will get that hug, lots of it. I can’t get it here but home.

**28.03.2021 UPDATE: I won’t edit this blog for accountability and see where my beliefs are lying that time. I was wrong in the second and third to the last paragraph written above: I didn’t get a salary cut because I am working from home. I get it because there were months that they missed out last year. You see, I am coming from a “victim” perspective. I am overcoming this mindset little by little. You’ll see in my next post. 😉

No-Knead Burnt Bread a.k.a. Tinapay ni Sarah at Becky

Nakita ko yung post ni Daphne sa IG about “no-knead bread.” Nagka-interes ako kasi gusto ko mag-bake pero tamad ako mag-masa at wala akong fancy mixer.

So perfect ‘tong “no-knead bread” or artisan bread or lean bread. However you want to call it pero ako ang pinakanaiisip ko ay para siyang tinapay ni Sarah at Becky. Gets mo ba? Hindi? Luh.

Hindi lang patatas meron si Sarah. May tinapay rin siya.

Anyway.. napakasimple lang nito gawin. Kelangan mo lang ay:

1. Bread Flour (pero dahil all-purpose flour ang nabili ko, yun ang ginamit ko) – 3 cups
2. Active Dry Yeast – 1/2 tsp (ang hirap maghanap neto. Dahil ata sa quarantine, lahat ng tao nagbebake)
3. Salt – 1/2 tsp
4. Warm water – 1 1/2 cups

Sinunod ko yung process ng friend ko na nakalimutan ko na rin agad. Kaya kinausap ko nalang siya habang ginagawa ‘to. Asa naman sakin. Helpful naman siya at magaling siya mang-pressure. Hahaha.

Paghaluin mo lang yung ingredients then let it rest for 10 to 12 hours. Balutin mo ng cling wrap kasi baka lamigin tapos wag ka maingay kasi baka maistorbo siya.

Ginawa ko yung dough nung gabi before matulog kaya sakto paggising, malaki na siya. Yep, 10 hours ako natulog. Lol.

Normal lang daw yang may butas. Parang crater.

Ang hirap niyan tanggalin sa wrap. Lagyan mo ng flour yung kamay mo kasi madikit yung dough. Paikut-ikutin mo yung dough ‘to form a ball. Pero wag masyado kasi baka mahilo.

Takpan mo lang ulit ng tela or plato. Let it rise for 30 mins to 1 hr.

Pre-heat the oven kasabay yung dutch oven or cast iron. Be careful kasi sobrang hot nung cast iron, parang siya.

Clean it with oil. Wag hugasan ng sabon. Bow.

Kelangan mainit yung cast iron before mo ilagay yung dough para hindi dumikit pag naluto. Ilagay mo na yung dough sa pre-heated cast iron. Takpan at ibalik sa oven. Bake for 30 minutes then remove the lid and bake for another 15 mins.

Muntik na luminis yung oven.

Pinagkatiwalaan ko yung timer ng oven. Nung tinanggal ko yung lid, sabi dun, 10 mins pa. Very wrong. Mahirap talaga magtiwala ng basta-basta. Lol.

End result: Burnt Bread. Kawawa. LOL.

Dapat pala nag-timer ako ng sarili ko. Haha. Pero okay naman yan sa loob. Edible naman and achieve yung panlasa ko. Wow, may panlasang na-achieve! Chef?!

Crusty on the outside

Soft and chewy inside

Sunog nga lang

Pero bet pa rin naman

Oh, di ba? Parang tinapay nila Sarah at Becky? Minus the sunog. Haha. Pwede ring i-toast at gawing garlic bread. Crusty outside and soft inside. Sherep nemen eh.

However, I had a minor burn and blister because of the improper use of oven. Found out that the rack can be pulled out pala para makuha ng maayos yung cast iron. Mabigat yung cast iron at sobrang init. Akala ko nga malalaglag ko at masisira ko pa yung oven. Eh nakikigamit lang ako sa landlord. Lol. Ayun. Wag niyo ko gayahin. Hilahin niyo yung rack para hindi kayo mapaso. Haha.

Pero worth it naman. I think hindi na ko bibili ng bread at gagawa nalang ako lagi.

Nakakabusog na yan, pramis.

When I shared the blisters and minor burn to the parentals, eto yung sinabi ng tatay ko:

Wow! Porcelana! San banda?

Oh di ba? Haha! Nakakatawa talaga minsan mga comment ng parentals. 🙂

Maraming recipe neto online. Check it out and I hope makagawa ka rin. Let me know pag nakagawa ka. Pwede mo rin ako bigyan. Pero wag yung sunog ah? Haha.

Enjoy. 🙂

XOXO, Jai

Are They Worth The Hype? “Crash Landing on You” and “Parasite” Review

WARNING: VERY LONG POST AND SPOILERS AHEAD! 🙂

This is a collab-post with Gurezu in response to an invitation to join her list of INTERNATIONAL BLOGGER FRIENDS. Thanks Gurezu for this collab idea. I had fun doing this with you.

DISCLAIMER: My reviews are very amateur because I don’t really do film reviews. The ratings are based on how the genre appeals to my liking.

GUREZU

Hi Friends! I am mostly stuck at home for over two weeks now as we mostly are because of corona virus outbreak. While I am pretty bummed out about it because we had to cancel our most anticipated dream trip this year, I must say I am seeing a light in this dark situation. I have more time to blog and to collaborate with my International Blogger Friends!

Jirah and I eventually chose this topic as we both have fondness over Korean dramas although not as much as her. Together we take a look on the two recent South Korean recent hits: Crash Landing on You, which somehow gave us smile amidst the nCOV-19 filled news. For the movie, there was “Parasite” which won “Best Picture” and was largely celebrated as the very first non-English movie to have won the “Oscars”.

Are they worth the hype?

(WARNING SPOILERS…

View original post 2,008 more words

Hey, Piercing Eyes

Your tears are always very silent. You mastered the art of crying and smiling. Hiding the tears inside your pocket and bringing out sunshine instead of rain.

Your pain are always embracing your bones and scraping your skin until it melt all the joy in your eyes.

Your hands are gripping the ashes of hope–never wanting to let go but always wanted to give up.

You always say, “I’m okay” when you really mean you are not. 

You can’t always say to the rain to go away. But you can bring raincoats to dance away the pain.

When life throws lemons, we don’t always make a lemonade. Instead, we nurse the swelling, we frame the bruises and hang it on the wall.

So let’s collect the pain and build a museum of scars.

Hey, piercing eyes.

Remember that you are a sunshine concealed in the massive cloud of sky.

If they ever treat you like a crap, pull out a napkin and wipe away the grudge.

You are meant to fly high above the galaxy and milky way.

You deserve to be loved.

Some Days You Can’t Save Them All

One of my favorite writers, Ronnie Baticulon, has published a new book entitled, “Some Days You Can’t Save Them All.” He writes beautifully and shares his heart breaking experiences as a resident doctor in PGH.

Ever since I stumbled upon his blog, I can’t help but admire all the doctors and everyone on the medical field. Their feat is never easy. Before being in service, it costs them hundreds of hours of meticulous studying and practicing.

One of the things I learned on binge-reading his blog is something like this (non-verbatim): “Hindi mo pwedeng dayain ang pag-aaral. Kung anong matututunan mo ngayon, iaapply mo kapag doktor ka na. You owe it to your patients to study hard and give them the best kind of service in the future. Buhay kasi ng tao ang nakataya.”

And I hope every one of us can uphold the same values and perspective. Hindi man buhay ang nakataya sa field natin, there will always be stakeholders that will be affected if we fail or commit a mistake.

However, these values are not always being upheld by everyone. In reality sa medical field, hindi lahat ay may pake sa pasyente.

This in lieu of a friend who got series of therapies that doesn’t do her any good according to her orthopedic doctor.

She’s suffering from Radiculopathy due to Annular Disc Bulge among other things. Her doctor in Manila advised her for 8 sessions of therapy. She opted it be done in the province. After 8 sessions, the therapist declined to give a progress report but instead extended the session into another 10 sesh. After 18 sesh, there’s no progress, no improvement, only wasted time, wasted kidney due to meds, and finally, resources.

She was then advised by the same therapist to get a Shockwave from another hospital. This session has immediate relief. At last, after 4 months, she is having relief.

Or so we thought.

Because when she went back to her doctor in Manila, she was told that Shockwave won’t do her any good because her case is not just another muscle spasm. The Shockwave treatment is not addressing the root cause. It is not treating her despite the relief she is getting from it.

The orthopedic doctor expressed rage on the institution. After hearing that reaction from her doctor, I can’t help but think that her therapists did not prioritize her but is eager to prove that their treatment can do her good. I was appalled, even mad. Why would the therapist withhold the progress report and extend the session if it is evident that there is no progress at all? Why can’t they prioritize the patient?

Patients are at the mercy of the doctors. Although there is always a wide range of information in the internet explaining the medical jargon of their diagnosis, patients will always trust the doctor’s advise. Doctors can get away with the result but the patient will always suffer the complication if misdiagnosed or mistreated. Unfortunately, it is at the expense of the patient.

Some days you really can’t save them all. But I’m hoping and praying that my friend will find the strength to fight and get through this–physically, emotionally and financially. She is always in pain and I can’t describe how hard it is for her.

Hey, Keep Livin’ and Lovin’!

Never Have I Ever

Nope, not a confession.

But an admiration.

Never have I ever seen a company leader lay down on the floor for a photo.

This is the grand opening of the second IKEA store in Dubai. All of us in Regional Service Office supported and helped out–after some photo ops, of course.

MD of IKEA UAE standing on the left and Deputy CEO (now MD) of IKEA Sweden  lying on the floor 🙂

So we are all eyes and smiling ear to ear for this coolest photo we can ever post online.

Titles dropped, dry ironed suit ignored, this guy just went down our level and shouted through his action that we all belong to his team and was never hesitant to show his wackiness.

I really admire him for this gesture. At first, he was busy chatting with other leaders but as soon as he finished, he immediately joined us and shouted, “IKEA!”

Not everyone can pull it off. And not everyone is willing to do so. I guess that’s a short and sure way to captivate your team and give you respect. It burned the level, bridged the gap and diffused the invisible awkwardness.

I wonder how it feels like to work with him. Does the people in Sweden as excited as we are around him?

Can I add him in my Linked In Network and ask for a recommendation? Charot. Hahaha

 

3 Reasons Why I Should Not Be Your Tour Guide

1. I don’t have a sense of direction.

I easily get lost. All I know is my way from home to office and vice versa–by bus. I’m not really familiar with the outskirts of Dubai. I can only tour you within the places near the Metro Station. But the Metro is stretched along Sheikh Zayed Road (SZR) for 52km, so I guess, its not that bad. If you don’t mind getting lost, then, hop in!

2. I don’t do tourist-y stuff.

I haven’t been to tourist-y places. I don’t know how much it costs nor how long it takes to get there. But I do know the easiest way to get anywhere in Dubai: Taxi. So if money is not an issue, well, you know, I can tour you around. Plus, we can always google things.

3. I don’t know how to haggle.

I’m not really good at this. If you need some souvenirs, well, I don’t know where to get one. And don’t expect me to haggle the price low for you because I’m not really good at rejections. Haha!

These are the struggles we faced the first time my former officemates visit Dubai. They were in the wrong hands because I am also still new in the city and never had a chance yet to roam around. But they were up for the adventure so we still go around the city and explore.

Their first visit happened last September 2017 then they went back on December 2017. Yes, this post has been sitting in draft for ages.

I missed these peeps so much that I was so excited when I first heard that they are coming over. It feels like someone from home will visit. They are literally a family to me!

Since they were here for business trip, we can only sneak in during weekends. It works for me because I have work, too, on weekdays. I met them at Dubai Mall and we just roam around the mall to start. They are not first timers in Dubai. Imee and Elsa has been previously sent to Dubai already so they’re pretty much familiar of the place (a.k.a., they won’t be thrilled by Dubai Aquarium and Fountain any more, too bad. LOL!).

First meet up since I left PH

The-must-see-Burj-Khalifa

The Village, Dubai Mall

The Village, Dubai Mall

Siyempre dapat may selfie sa Burj

Pasalubong from Yel, so thrilled to received such familiar kutkutins!

Stars right above Dubai Mall Aquarium

Dubai Aquarium. Siyempre sa labas lang.

Though I already heard the news that Momi Els cut her hair short and they call her Jake Zyrus, it is still a shock to me when I first saw her. She used to have a long hair and they used to go together during weekend to have it rebonded. But she’s still that very pretty Momi we always have.

OFW Feels pero WFH (Work From Hotel), haha

IBN Battuta before Safari

IBN Battuta. So in love with patterns and ceilings!

Souvenir na napakamahal

Andito ba si Genie? Can I make a wish?

Preparing to set

On our way to the Dune Bashing area

Lahat yan sabay-sabay nag-Dune Bashing

Before Dune Bashing

Diyan kami dumaan at nag somersault by 4×4

Camel visit

First time to see camel face to face!

They’re chained, somehow. 😦

Teka, putol yung camel

Sakay ka Mami G?

Daming photobomber

Before the program starts

People Sand Boarding

LOVE dapat and peg nila, kaso, ewan. haha

Mahangin sa labas

Preparing for the feast, arabic style

Hey there, sun!

Stunning sunset

More sand

Mahirap pala maglakad sa sand

🙂

Busog na pero pagod

So we went to IBN Battuta after breakfast then head to Abu Dhabi to experience Dune Bashing. It is also my first time to experience this stuff along with them. We are all exhausted after that and went straight to the hotel to rest.

Henna Tat from Sand Dune Experience

Always having fun with them

Dubai Marina Walk

After riding the Dubai Water Bus

Port at Dubai Marina Walk

Tall buildings

Yeeeeeeeeeehaaaa!

Yacht for sale. Charot.

Just another tourist-y shot

Cool food stand

Foods sa condo. Este, hotel

I think pumunta kami sa Gold Souq after that pero hindi ko na maalala. Tapos kinabukasan, hinatid ko na sila sa airport. 😦

But then again, they came back on December! Haha! This time, I’m already armed with places to go and the outskirts of Dubai. I already have suggested places to visit. I’ve done my research.

********

Fast forward 2019, hindi ko na alam kung anong nangyari after their second visit. We sure had a good time! Haha! I’m posting this anyway. When I visited PH last year, I wasn’t able to see them because sobrang limited yung time. So I hope, next year, makita ko na ulit sila. Haha!

Ma! Pa! Nanalo Ko!

Ma! Pa! Nanalo ako sa pa-raffle ng company! Perstaym na, Grand Price pa!

Company’s Year End Party. The night started young, wala pa masyadong tao nung dumating kami. Kahit na ang call time ay 530 PM. To everybody else’s defense, they are busy on the upcoming store. But that is a different story.

Upon registration, we picked names of Hollywood actors and actresses written in a piece of paper inside the bowl. I picked Jean-Claude Van Damme.

So the highlight of the night is all the pricey prizes. And when I say pricey, I mean, PRICEY!

PART 1: Nutribullet, Cerruti 1881, L’Occitane, Nutricook, Fujifilm Instax, Crown Line Airfyer, Bose Speaker, Samsung Watch, 500-1000 AED Gift Certificates, etc.

Alam mo ba yung L’Occitane? Ako, hindi eh. I don’t even know how to pronounce it, until that night. Haha!

Part 2: Leather Wallet, Nespresso, Dyson Cooler, Swarovski Watch, Apple Watch, Dyson Vacuum, Microsoft Surface Go, Samsung S10, and iPhone11.

Everyone is eyeing for the grand prize of night, iPhone 11!

Sino ba namang hindi hahangaring manalo ng grand prize?!

Everyone is sure that they will get it, except me. That’s because I have a long history of NOT WINNING AT ANY RAFFLE DRAW. So this night is no different. I just hope to win but didn’t dare to get my hopes up.

So when the GM finally called the winner for the grand prize, I couldn’t believe that he actually called my code name, Van Damme! I WAS THRILLED–ECSTATIC EVEN!

Just like that, I walked away with a new phone in hand. Excited that I can now upload non-pixelated photos in IG stories and can also draft away new notes in WP. 🙂

3 out of 5 winners in Team Finance. My boss took this pic and told me earlier na may performance evaluation daw kami the next day. Joker din yung boss ko.

Last night is just an overwhelming display of generous grace. That feeling that I don’t deserve it, but was given it anyway. Anyhow, I thank the Lord for more than the gift, but His grace.

UPDATE: Putting my father in the caption and title because he thought I am only referring to my mother. So ayun, nagtatampo siya. Little did he know that nakikimillenial lang ako kaya ganyan ang caption. I think, una kong nakita yan kay Ben&Ben. Ang funny minsan ng parentals but we love them nonetheless. 🙂

 

 

Hey There

A few days ago, a blogger friend asked (na itatago ko na lang sa pangalang, Aysa), “balita sayo?” and further nudged, “nagsusulat ka pa ba?”

Ayun, napabuklat ulit tuloy ako ng WP (pero after 3 days pa).

And when I did, I missed them. I missed reading their blog, their life, their stories. Stalking and commenting on their posts, replying back to theirs, following new bloggers and finding out later that many of them unfollowed by page (but I don’t keep track anyway so, whatevs). Some still have their own domain and some have podcasts already. Legit bloggers and nakakaproud sabihin that I’ve known these people kahit most of them eh hindi ko pa namimeet in person. It’s nice to read again and see how my friends online were doing. And it nudged me to write something as well.

Maraming ganap. Lahat nga pala ng rant ko dito a few years ago ay nalagpasan ko na. May trabaho na ako, may maayos na visa. Nakapagbakasyon na rin ako sa Pinas at marami pang iba.

Pero parang hindi pa rin ako kuntento. Ang hirap noh?

Kapag naiisip kong magsulat at kating-kati akong ilagay sa mundo ang nararamdaman ko, napipigilan ako ng pixelated photo upload (yung photo na dinownload ko from Whatsapp, pixelated na kapag inupload ko sa IG).

Walang FB, walang IG, walang WP. I lost the urge to post away details of my life. But I still have that urge to accomplish more, to connect, reconnect and to do something worth my time.

It felt empty, actually. May trabaho naman at kumikita ng sapat para sa pangangailangan. Pero parang may kulang.

Ikaw ba, paano mo ‘to nilalabanan? Tips naman diyan! 🙂

PS: Salamat nga pala kay Aysa sa paggising sa natutulog kong diwa. Visit her blog and be blown away by her thoughts. Lodi ko talaga siya eh. 🙂