Stop Chasing People

*F5
Stop. Chasing. ‘Em.

Stop chasing people.
Start giving love.
Give what you need.
Share what is lacking.

Notice that the wave keep coming back at the bay
Like the love that you freely give away.
It will come back in a most unexpected way
From the least likely person you are ignoring all day.

It may come from the sun that rises every morning
Or the beautiful formation on the sky
Gracefully greeting you “Hi”

Have you ever noticed?
The flower that bloom at the side of street
They’re all for you to meet

Have you ever listen to the chirping birds
As you pass by the trees that night?
They’re singing your name so high

Stop chasing people.
Start giving love.
I still believe that kindness
Are classic and hot.

Wave Mr. Flag!
Wave to the Bay: I’ll keep coming back for you, always.

Nikita, Cardo & A Chopper!

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Ganito yung setting. Madilim at kami lang yung tao.
Ganito yung setting. Madilim at kami lang yung tao.

 

We are practicing a dance. Then may sumugod samin. Three is to three. We tried to fight back. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko nakuha ang fighting skills ko, but boy, was I good! I feel like the skills of Nikita has been sleeping deep within my soul. So ayun nga, natatalo ko na yung kalaban ko. Nung nakorner ko na siya, I asked his motive. Inutusan lang daw siya ng tatay niya. Seriously?

Then in an instant, the settings changed.

Bigla kami napunta sa sala ng bahay namin. Tapos naging mga police sila. Bad cop. At dalawa nalang kami nung friend kong guy na hindi ko alam kung sino. This time dehado kami.

Bahay yan ng mga Marcos sa Ilocos. Overstatement ng sala ng bahay namin. Hihi
Bahay yan ng mga Marcos sa Ilocos. Overstatement ng sala ng bahay namin. Hihi

I think the cops belong to a syndicate or something. Lakas maka-Ang Probinsiyano nung mga dumukot samin. Asan na si Cardo???? Asaaaan??

They need something important that my friend has–either in his house or in his phone. Hindi ko na maalala kung ano.

My friend was buying time. I was fortunately holding my phone so I immediately dialled 911. I told them we are in danger and badly need help. Sinabi ko yung street namin pero mukhang ibang street ata ang nabanggit ko. I am whispering and stattering at the same time kasi takot na takot ako baka mahuli kami.

Nakahalata ata sila na may kausap ako at nagsusumbong sa pulis. So they turned on the radio to see if there are other police being alerted in the area.

But there was none. I think I gave the wrong location. Looks like help won’t ever come.

I decided to try again. This time I called my parents. I told them we are in danger and they should call the police for help. Then I pretended on asking the vault’s passcode. Naniwala naman sila.

Hindi ko alam kung naglolokohan ba kami o ano? Bakit sa lahat ng dinukot, ako lang ang may hawak pa rin ng cellphone ko??

A few hours later I saw Papa opening the gate. He is holding a gun.

Kaso walang gate yung bahay namin, kasi nakatira kami sa beach. Joke. Hahaha
Kaso walang gate yung bahay namin, kasi nakatira kami sa beach. Joke. Hahaha

Oh my goodness, what is he thinking? What we have inside is around 5 men or more, all armed with guns and my dad is coming to the battle alone with just a gun???

Sinalubong ko siya and told him: “Paaaaaaa!!! Sabi ko tumawag ka ng pulis! Asan na po sila?? Anong iniisip mo??? Talo ka diyan. Marami sila sa loob. Armado sila.”

HIndi siya kumikibo pero kita kong galit na galit siya at handa siyang sumugod sa gera ng tila patpat lang ang dala.

Aba e, ang pinakamagandang bunso ba naman niya ang nasa panganib e.

I heard my mom plead, “Ang tigas ng ulo ng papa mo. Sinabi ko nang tumawag na muna kami ng pulis. Ayaw papigil. Sumugod agad dito.”

Then I heard the villains tell my dad: “Pare payat yan. Talo ka samin.”

Hindi ko na alam ang nangyari sa loob kasi lumabas ako ng gate. Ang alam ko lang e kailangan ko humingi ng tulong. Andami nang nainvolved sa kapamahakang ito. Kung bakit hindi ko na sila malabanan ay hindi ko rin alam. Oh, fighting skills of Nikita, have I lost you all of a sudden? Ano yun, paasa lang? Na kunyari kasinggaling mo ako sa martial arts?

Paglabas ko nakita ko may wang-wang. Natuwa ako pero saglit lang. Akala ko kasi mga pulisna. Pero hindi pala. Yung chopper pala na sinakyan nila mama papunta sa bahay ay may wang-wang. Naka-chopper pala sila kaya ang bilis nilang dumating.

Kung may chopper kami, kukuha ako ng ganitong shot.. maraming marami! :)
Kung may chopper kami, kukuha ako ng ganitong shot.. maraming marami!🙂

Nakita kong kumakaripas ng takbo yung piloto nung chopper.

Pero ang naisip ko lang ay:
Una–May wang-wang na pala ngayon ang chopper?
Pangalawa–Nagkasya yung chopper sa kipot ng street samin?
Pangatlo—May chopper pala kami???

Wala na kong panahong isipin pa ang sagot sa mga tanong kong iyan. I immediately called to police hotline.

When someone picked up the line, I said: “We need help. Badly. We are being held captive. Rescue us at “complete address.”

Bigla kong naalala yung complete address namin. Mukhang mas determinado na akong mabuhay.

But the call ended up in Jen’s mobile number.

Unfortunately, she did not take the call seriously and thought I am just making a prank. Instead of being empathic, I hear her mimic every word I say.

Sa galit ko, I shouted at her: “Sira ulo ka ba?!?!”

I was pretty sure I literally shouted very loud for I myself have awaken from deep slumber.

I woke up panting, angry and scared.

Scared of the pending danger and angry to Jen for not taking life and death situation seriously. Oh well, at least it woke me up.

Buti hindi nagising yung mga kasama ko sa kwarto.

~150816 | 3am | jrlzn

A bite of this will wake me up as well. :p
A bite of this will wake me up as well. :p

 

Call Me Maybe

 

The sun will set here to shine in the other side.
The sun will set here to shine in the other side.

Why do we get emotional when speaking with our moms? Or is it just me? I want to go through the telephone line and hug her tight at that moment. I can hear her voice cracking and tears about to form in the corner of her eyes as she say our signature line, “I love you todo-todo, walang preno!” I have to hang up for I don’t want our conversation end up in heart break. 😭💔

Sa Loob ng Baul

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Warning: There’s one hell of a mess inside.
Hinalungkat ko ang baul ng nakaraan natin.

Umaasang may nakatago pa sa madilim at nakaririmarim na sulok nito.

Baka may natitira pang poot at sakit na dala ng paulit-ulit mong pananakit sa pusong hindi na ba natuto? Pagkat ilang beses mo nang niloko. Pero ayun pa rin at niyakap ka nang buong-buo. Walang kaabog-abog na pinaglaban ka sa buong mundo. Sinabing hindi, hindi siya ganito. Mali ang inaakala niyo. Ano ba kayo? Mahal ko yang tinatalo niyo.

Inayos ko ang laman ng baul at inilagay sa tamang pwesto ang magulo at salasalabat kong opinyon ukol sayo. Nakakalat sa baul ang mga kirot sa puso na dulot ng unti-unti mong paglisan. Kung saan-saan ko na lang isinalansan ang napakahapding sugat dala nang dahan-dahang panlalamig sa mundong tinawag mong atin. Nakita ko kung paano ka lumipat sa kabilang mundo na di man lamang lumingon sa gulagulanit kong puso.

Sa loob ng baul ay pinulot ko ang mga piraso ng pagmamahal na minsan kong binigay ng buong-buo sa iyo.

Pinagtagpi-tagpi ko ang mga ala-alang dati’y walang ibang dinala kundi poot at napakahapding sugat na ramdan mula buto hanggang bawat piraso ng aking kalamnan.

Isinilid ko sila isa-isa sa baul at tiningnan ang dating nakakaawang ako na pilit nagsusumiksik sa mapanlinlang na ikaw.

Inihanay ko ang bawat malalim na sugat na nakadikit at natuyo na sa gilid ng baul. Nakita ko kung gaano naging makapal na peklat ang napakalalim na punit sa nagdurugong puso. Sinubukan kong pagdugtungin ang nakalipas sa kasalukuyan. Napagtanto ko na ang naging bunga ng mga ito ay kapahingahan.

Kaya naman: Buti na lang.

Yan ang nasambit ko nang matapos kong isalansan ang mga piraso ng nakaraan natin.

I breathe Hope.
I breathe Hope.

Buti na lamang at nanlamig ka na parang yelong unti-unti rin namang natutunaw kapag inihalo sa kahit anong inumin. Unti-unti rin kasing natunaw ang pagkatao ko nung nanlamig ka. Pero dulot nun ay ang pagkatunaw ng napakatigas kong pagmamataas sa Diyos at sa aking sarili na nagsusumigaw ng: “Kaya ko! Kaya kita. Hindi ko kailangan ng tulong.”

Ngunit kailangan ko pala ng tulong mula pa nung umpisa dahil hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang bitbitin ang napakabigat at puno ng tinik mong puso na nagsusumiksik sa maliit at mahinang ako. Kinain ko ang lahat ng hiya at pagmamataas na itinapon ko sa mukha ng sinumang nangmamata sa iyo. Sa huli nabulunan ako.

Marahan kong isinara ang baul gaya nang marahang pagbaba ng tarangkahan sa teatro matapos ang isang makabagbag damdaming pagganap.

Umaasa ako na ang bawat nilalaman ng baul na iyon ay makatutulong sa mga pusong gaya nang mapagmataas na ako.

Hindi ko alam kung paano.

At hindi ko rin alam kung kaya ko bang ilahad ng buong-buo ang nilalaman nito.

Pero kung para sa ikalalaya ng kahit isang pusong nakakulong sa loob ng baul na pinagmamasdan ang gulagulanit niyang pagmamahal sa isang taong, na tao lang din naman, bakit hindi?

Sabay naming bubuksan ang baul ko ng kapalaluan at tatahakin ang liwanag na may dala ng kakaibang kasiyahan.

 

One pill of Sunset of Peace for you, beautiful.
One pill of Sunset of Peace for you, beautiful.

Fickle-Mindedness, Complacency And Whatnot

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Sit with me and let’s have some coffee.

I want to quit but I also want to fight.

I want to go back but I also want to move forward.

I want to say yes, I do, I really do.

But I stayed silent and let my heart sunk in madness.

I want to speak but I hold my tongue.

I want to read yet my eyes are glued to the sun.

I want everything in life but you.

I want all the crazy stuff that will break my heart into pieces.

I want you but my action says I don’t.

You see how fickle minded I am?

She’s Getting Married!

Eric & Dian_PreNup_HiRes_46
All photos in this post: (c) God’s Grace Production

One of my best friends is getting married today!

I haven’t fully grasped the reality of this special event until I saw their pre-nup photos. She is stunning as ever! We haven’t really discussed this but we know deep within that their relationship will actually step into this level. Gut-feel.

Well, My mother always thought they’re already married, oh my goodness!

We have been friends since high school. No we’re not classmates but we belong to the same youth ministry back then. We prayed and shared lives together. We do theater classes, music videos, and campus ministry. Oh those were the days!

Even though we are not as active in the church like before, our friendship remained intact.

She’s that kind of low maintenance besties that can totally live apart and not speak for months but would rock our lives out when we meet up.

She’ll either sleep over to our house or I’ll gate crash to their dorm at weekends. We’ll talk about anything—boys, faith, work, kikay kit and everything in between. She literally influenced my style and make-up (aside from my sister).

I can’t remember how many times I third-wheeled to their date and I enjoyed it every time. They’re not the type of couple who’ll make you feel out of place. Eric has always been a gentleman–he won’t just care for her girl but to every girl in the world. He’ll open the door for you; prepare the table for dinner; give you a hand when crossing the street or hopping off the bus; offer his seat when needed and many gentleman-ly things. Yuna will always be clinging into my arms and talk to me full time when we are together. It actually feels like Eric is the one who’s third-wheeling me and Yuna when the three of us get together.

Just like the best friends in the series we are watching (One Tree Hill), Yuna and I told ourselves that we can still sleep over at each other’s house even if we are already married: we will be on the master’s bedroom and our husbands on the couch. And I’m actually counting on that! So to Eric and my future hubby, consider yourselves warned.😀

Oh I just can’t help but be nostalgic on all the things we’ve done together!

Now that they are beginning a new chapter of their lives, I am just sooo happy for both of them!

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I’m pretty sure the ants are crawling now under their feet.🙂

Sooner or later we will have our kids and that will officially mark our entry to being Tita’s-of-Manila! Grabe, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagtanda namin. Hahaha!

Though it is truly heart breaking that I won’t be able to witness their special event, my prayers and overflowing joy will always be with this couple. I love them soooo much and and I am so happy for them.

I will always be the No. 1 fan of #TeamMamay!

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Next thing you know, there will be tiny feet beside this lovely bird. And hopefully a group family photo–mine of course.🙂

Letters of Plea

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The day I stopped writing.

I would love to write you letters. But I lost interest when no feedback was ever received. I don’t know. Call it selfish. Call it petty. Call it insensitive. Call it whatever you like. But please know that I am hurting deep within.

Am I too demanding for asking a reply? Or am I too insensitive for not understanding how hard it is for you to find time writing one? Lame. You can always make time for something important to you. I know. For I do.

I asked. No response.

I begged. You said why am I obliging you to do so?

I kept silent. Frustrated.

I don’t know how to ask without sounding too demanding. I just want to read your mind. Be able to see and feel how you feel. I just want you to express yourself through writing as you are not as expressive in person.

Is it selfish to expect a response from someone you are excited to hear from?

I don’t know how to keep this fire up and running. Maybe in time. Maybe.

xoxo

090514 | jrlzn


Ok, so this is sitting in my drafts folder since forever. It happened few years ago so I might as well publish it. I’m an overly dramatic clingy person, ain’t I?😀

The emotion in this write up is still fresh to me. But I’m not hurting anymore. I now understood and just let it go. I guess the more you hold your grip too tight, the more the person is not willing to stay.